Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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