So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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