so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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