yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
