oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize