I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
