I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
pray to the hookup gods
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
