My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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