"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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