i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
