There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
