god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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