Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
