Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
