Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
