I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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