Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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