you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
