obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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