And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
that is very illegal...i love you.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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