Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
