why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
