She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
