Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
