dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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