Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
