i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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