he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
