Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
