Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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