yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
