Please, let me fuck your mom
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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