I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize