Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
