so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
