you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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