we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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