wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
