i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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