No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
