I hate all girls vehemently.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
