Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
