i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
