just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
being pregnant is like rehab
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
