so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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