So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize