I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize