Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
