you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You smell like stripper and shame
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
