I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
