can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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