In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
