Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
