Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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