We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
