Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
