You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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