sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
