I'm passing your future prison.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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