WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
