my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
