I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
