on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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