bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
