You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
