im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
