The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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