Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
