i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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