Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
