you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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