addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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