Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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