he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
