so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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