i don't like sucking hair
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
