Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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