im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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