there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
