the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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