I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wear drunk well.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
