how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Randomize
