We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
