it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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