Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
