who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
