I CAN MOONWALK!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
