I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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