Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
now i know why i became what i already was.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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