how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
