Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize