worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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