Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
