I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
