Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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