You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
