I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize