i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
time to smoke my breakfast
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
