Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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