you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
