Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
