12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
