LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
