Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
