Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
